[Twenty-eighth] Guest post!

So, as you may gather, this post isn't by Hong Wei. This post is by her "irritating" [sic] brother, because, well, she uses the same password for (almost) everything, and I happen to know what the password is. So, if you know her password for anything, you know it for everything.

So, anyway, we can have some real content now. Real intellect. Not like all the nonsense you read below or in the previous posts (ahem auroar). This one will be real stuff. Or maybe not. You have the option of scrolling down and be flooded with randomness or spam as you decide, or continue reading this stuff.

I could write about plenty of things in my mind, but most of them wouldn't really fit in here, so I'll just pick one at random. Mathematics. In my school, maths is the most popular subject, but, I figure people in other schools don't have such a great liking for maths. But, regardless, I don't care.

You see, maths is awesome. What you learn in school is maths, but it's not the real stuff. Not the real hardcore stuff. (Er, not hardcore as in porn, y'know?) The real stuff lies beyond that. There are plenty of interesting mathematics around, that is undeniable. Things like divergent series. I'm not sure whether divergent series are covered much in the A-level syllabus, but I'm pretty sure you encountered them while learning geometric progressions. I'm not sure whether you learned that yet, but unimportant to current discussion.

Divergent series are basically infinite sums that, well, don't end up at a single value. A classic example is 1+2+4+8+16+…. The terms keep doubling, and we may as well say that the sum is infinity. But what if, we be a little lax, and start manipulating it a bit? Be warned, such manipulations can cause it to have any value. But trudging on anyway, we can find that, since this is a geometric progression with term ratio 2, the value can be taken to be 1/(1-2), which is −1 !

You might be thinking that this is all bullshit. How can a sum of ever-increasing positive numbers become negative? Well, note that it was ever-increasing. Sometimes, we can allow ourselves to think like Euler: the number line actually wraps; once you go beyond infinity you come back at negative infinity. And somehow, this causes it to end up at −1. This sounds a bit wacky, I know, but it sorta makes sense. xkcd agrees. (Actually, not really.)

We can even have 1-3+5-7+9-11+…, which I can show equals 0. Ah, you might counter that for not only does it alternate, it keeps getting bigger! Well, I don't care. It just is.

Of course, please do not use these methods in your A-level examinations. You will fail if you do. I am not responsible if you fail. Do not blame me. Blame Hong Wei, because she was the one who let me type out this post.

[Twenty-seventh] I WANT TO SLEEP MORE

I seriously have lack of sleep now. Have to wake up early almost everyday. SO SIAN ><

I should be sleeping. There's piano lesson in the morning tomorrow. ARGH

Hate PI!!!!!! HATE SCHOOLWORK D:


RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS RANTS

and

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

[Twenty-sixth] SPILL OF EMOTIONS T.T

This is going to be a sad post. If you are feeling emo/stressed/frustrated, I advise you not to read this. Anyway, who is going to?

I am so freaking frustrated. Everything seemed so insecure for me now. Like I had any choice to make it better, so it just becomes worse by each day. I wished I could just be a loner, so I won't be bothered by all these unecessary stuff.

My two friends whom I am supposedly closest to are... not really close... so it's super difficult to mix around with them. They just talk among themselves, totally ignoring my presence at times. I know that my personality doesn't really match well with them, but who else can I "stick" on to if I don't follow them? I don't want to be hated again. It's sad. They share so many secrets between them. Maybe, I seem like a totally dull and shitty person. That's why they don't want to talk to me. Sometimes I really wonder whether they truly like me as a friend because I can't feel anything coming from them. I should try to give more, but I not that kind of person, so don't force me to. I once talked to one of them about this thing, we both cried and she said that she didn't know that her actions (ie "ignoring" me) would hurt me so much. This seems biased, but I just didn't feel quite comfortable when she told me all that. It seemed all fake. I wish all these care and concern they give aren't just pretences. But I can't put all the blame on them. Because it's all fault that I can't be part of them, that I am also putting a mask in front of them.

Schoolwork is crazy too. I have to admit that I am rather proud in my secondary school because my grades were better than average. But I think, that's just a small part of the world. The people in aj are seriously much much smarter than I am. I was too naive to think that everything would be so simple. I flunked my chem. 4/15. I never failed chem before. And I cried in the chem test. Hopefully nobody noticed. And someone, to rub salt into my wounds, said "cao mei zu" (ie the current generation who can't endure failures) I want to die already and he still said that (but not on purpose I hope) And maths... I think I am going to fail to. This can't get any worse.

Questioning about life...

What is the main purpose of us being alive?

To make as much money as we can?

So what?

There's no answer. So why should we even live?

There's no meaning in life.

So why should we study?

When we are going to die eventually?

Why did mankind break free from the primitive ways of life?

Although many things seemed to have improved, it has not been.

What is life?

Eat, sleep, drink, shit?


This is bad. I think I am suffering from mild depression because suicidals thoughts are floating in my mind and I always have the urge to cry whenever something bad happens, be it big or small. I am such a wimp. People will hate me for that and this is a vicious cycle. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Last words of the day: I am falling down a bottomless pit. I wasn't even crying as I was typing this. I am just numb and stressed out by schoolwork.